Anxiety in Africa
Because I have had a few people ask me about my anxiety in Africa I figured some may be interested in a little update on my anxiety journey.
I have been gone for just about two months now, I know it feels like forever haha! But I have had my ups and downs with my anxiety as well. The times when I am the lowest are when I am in a new environment and I don't have a routine, or I don't feel comfortable in my surroundings, or I feel like I don't know people. Thus, the beginnings of each new place and adventure brings its challenges. I have found myself settling fairly quickly though. I try to get as much sleep as I can because I find lack of sleep and stress really triggers me, especially during the actual traveling part. Fun fact, I hate flying and I hate airports. The smell of them makes me anxious and there are too many things that could go wrong during the whole process. But I try not to dwell on that and I give myself little goals to accomplish like get through security, okay now find the gate, okay now get on the plane. If I look at the parts and not the whole picture I do a lot better. Otherwise I get really overwhelmed and panic. The classmates that have been traveling with me know not to ask questions too far ahead. I am trying to deal with the task at hand I can't look too far ahead. I try to break big things up into little parts that are more manageable to handle.
This goes for work as well. We have a lot of assignments and things to get done and they are complex and have a lot of moving pieces. It is easy to get overwhelmed so I try to break it down into little pieces that are easier to take care of.
I have a hard time living in the unknown, so I try to find answers to as many things as I can, however getting all the answers isn't always realistic obviously. I try to find the ones I can and I have to accept the things that I cannot. But as long as I can get some answers I usually feel a lot better.
Thank the Lord this trip I haven't had any issues eating, because normally when I am anxious that is the first thing that goes and then my sleep. I have been eating and sleeping pretty well so I am thankful for that. Mostly during times of high stress it just builds to the point of me crying. Luckily my dear classmate has been so comforting in those times. She lets me cry it out and then I am okay.
I try not to let my anxiety define me or keep me from living a normal life, I have simply figured out how to manage it and work around it. I feel a big part of this is educating the people around me on what I need. I love what I am doing, so much. I feel like my whole life has been steps in getting me here and I feel immensely blessed to have parents and people that support me in this journey. This past year has really been filled with dreams after dreams coming true and I can never say thankful enough.
I know I am where I am supposed to be and I am just trying to follow and listen to God's leading in my life. I will go where he wants me to go. For those of you who don't understand why I feel the need to work abroad, it is because I feel we are all called to take care of our neighbor. I believe our neighbor is the person next door, the person down the street and the person two countries over. I believe that part of taking care of our neighbor is sharing what Jesus has done for us and is doing for them as well as meeting their basic needs (because if we are being honest most people don't have them met). Taking care of your neighbor is loving all people no matter what. I have been asked why not take care of the people in your own city, and I full heartedly believe that is important but not many will step out of their comfort zones and take care of those in under developed places because it isn't easy and I feel called to do that. I have been told that others can go abroad and do things, but why not me? If we keep putting off what we are capable of doing we are missing out on so much.
The thing that bothers me sometimes is that people think all I do is play with black children all day and take cute pictures and make people and myself feel good. That is not reality. Life can be hard, not knowing the language is difficult (although I am getting much better), being pointed at and laughed at because you are white is honestly kind of exhausting. Squatting over a hole isn't as glorious as it sounds, bathing in a bucket isn't that exciting, loving people with aids and lice, and strange diseases isn't easy, but you know what I wouldn't trade a minute of it because that is what Jesus did, and honestly that's all we are called to do.
I have been gone for just about two months now, I know it feels like forever haha! But I have had my ups and downs with my anxiety as well. The times when I am the lowest are when I am in a new environment and I don't have a routine, or I don't feel comfortable in my surroundings, or I feel like I don't know people. Thus, the beginnings of each new place and adventure brings its challenges. I have found myself settling fairly quickly though. I try to get as much sleep as I can because I find lack of sleep and stress really triggers me, especially during the actual traveling part. Fun fact, I hate flying and I hate airports. The smell of them makes me anxious and there are too many things that could go wrong during the whole process. But I try not to dwell on that and I give myself little goals to accomplish like get through security, okay now find the gate, okay now get on the plane. If I look at the parts and not the whole picture I do a lot better. Otherwise I get really overwhelmed and panic. The classmates that have been traveling with me know not to ask questions too far ahead. I am trying to deal with the task at hand I can't look too far ahead. I try to break big things up into little parts that are more manageable to handle.
This goes for work as well. We have a lot of assignments and things to get done and they are complex and have a lot of moving pieces. It is easy to get overwhelmed so I try to break it down into little pieces that are easier to take care of.
I have a hard time living in the unknown, so I try to find answers to as many things as I can, however getting all the answers isn't always realistic obviously. I try to find the ones I can and I have to accept the things that I cannot. But as long as I can get some answers I usually feel a lot better.
Thank the Lord this trip I haven't had any issues eating, because normally when I am anxious that is the first thing that goes and then my sleep. I have been eating and sleeping pretty well so I am thankful for that. Mostly during times of high stress it just builds to the point of me crying. Luckily my dear classmate has been so comforting in those times. She lets me cry it out and then I am okay.
I try not to let my anxiety define me or keep me from living a normal life, I have simply figured out how to manage it and work around it. I feel a big part of this is educating the people around me on what I need. I love what I am doing, so much. I feel like my whole life has been steps in getting me here and I feel immensely blessed to have parents and people that support me in this journey. This past year has really been filled with dreams after dreams coming true and I can never say thankful enough.
I know I am where I am supposed to be and I am just trying to follow and listen to God's leading in my life. I will go where he wants me to go. For those of you who don't understand why I feel the need to work abroad, it is because I feel we are all called to take care of our neighbor. I believe our neighbor is the person next door, the person down the street and the person two countries over. I believe that part of taking care of our neighbor is sharing what Jesus has done for us and is doing for them as well as meeting their basic needs (because if we are being honest most people don't have them met). Taking care of your neighbor is loving all people no matter what. I have been asked why not take care of the people in your own city, and I full heartedly believe that is important but not many will step out of their comfort zones and take care of those in under developed places because it isn't easy and I feel called to do that. I have been told that others can go abroad and do things, but why not me? If we keep putting off what we are capable of doing we are missing out on so much.
The thing that bothers me sometimes is that people think all I do is play with black children all day and take cute pictures and make people and myself feel good. That is not reality. Life can be hard, not knowing the language is difficult (although I am getting much better), being pointed at and laughed at because you are white is honestly kind of exhausting. Squatting over a hole isn't as glorious as it sounds, bathing in a bucket isn't that exciting, loving people with aids and lice, and strange diseases isn't easy, but you know what I wouldn't trade a minute of it because that is what Jesus did, and honestly that's all we are called to do.
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